so i just got off the phone with this guy

who just lost his wife 3 months ago
his wife whom he loved and lived with for the past 30 years
they have 2 cats and 1 dog
but he never liked the cats
the cats were her cats
and it hurts him to see the cats.
he cant even feed them
everyday when he gets out of work he goes to the bar to drink to drown his thoughts and escape the pain
he spent over $20,000 on her funeral because his wife deserves the best going away party ever
i heard his pain
i felt wat he felt when he could no longer speak and had to put the phone down and cried his eyes out because the pain hurt so much

on the other line i was gettin teary eyed myself. listening to this man beg for help. help him save his home because his step daughter is pregnant and he needs to take care of his step daughter.


i wish i could be there in person. have a drink with him. give him a hug and let them know that there are people out there who cares wat happens even those that he never met.


i had to take a break from work because al lthe emotions were too much for me to bear.

i would like to leave and go home
but my situation is so bad that i cant afford to leave home.



never judge the man u meet on the street or the man in the store. u dont know wat they are going thru or wat is going on in their lives.

is it bad that when i say

have a great day

that i really truly mean it



i feel like im in a deep understanding


but maybe too understanding

maybe too loving

maybe too much of just being human i guesss

idk

well have a good day =]

i feel like my one lil voice can help change the world

and people say im foolish...

really who is more foolish,

he who feels he can change the world

or the one who doesnt?

i really wish...

that i had my own studio

i have soo much music that i write and i have in my head

but i know with my own studio ill be free to experiment as much as i can with out hearing someone tell me how i should do it or that i shouldnt do it this way...

i know that with the right stuff i can do amazing things

i just need the chance...



sorry just venting...


~1984

today i.s Feb 2, 2009

today i woke up at 5 am in an attempt to revive my life… to no avail

today i I took the train to my new job, but there was no one there. Feeling like I was let down.. maybe I missed the memo =..

today i rode the bus home at 7 am from my new job that I guess Isnt a job at all. Kinda weird going backwards

today i wrote this listing to “sidetracked ” by Joe Budden,

today i took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. I keep telling myself it was too catch up on missed sleep. But really I wasn’t that tired.

today i was hit up by a friend of mine to meet him at the park. I asked why and I never got a answer.. but the truth is when it’s a good friend like that… u don’t need a reason. So i dropped wat I was doing and left .

today i was waiting for the Dash to get to the park and some guy whose name i didn’t know. Pulled over and took me to my destination. His name was marvin, a Filipino whom I played basketball with many of times. He is very competitive so on the court we usually don’t get along if we on different teams. But in essence we are on the same team. The Human team chasing the American Dream

today i went to the park for the first time in a long time. My Park. Yosemite Park. I walked up and got mobbed by kids. It feels good knowing they still remember u and still love u like it was yesterday.

today i said hello to my second family. The Park family. I love them and it’s a special bond that they have over there and even when I am there for 5 mins I can feel that bond.

today i went to go eat with my friend Martin at taco bell. And for the first five mins we were talking about how good taco bell was. Like how in the hell could people not like taco bell.

today i spent at least 2 hours at taco bell. Kinda random, like when I woke up this morning I wasn’t expecting to be at taco bell with martin. It was like far from my imagination. But that’s life. It catches u by surprise

today i spent a lot of time talking to someone who doesn’t have the same view on life as I do, but who has an understanding view. We share a lot of the same struggle. music means the same to us. therapy. Its good having someone u can talk to everyonce in a while who doesn’t judge or make assumptions

today i spent a while talking business and how we going to get our music out there. Cant wait till u see wat we got in store .

today i wrote this at 1:30… hungry as hell.. thinking of having some cup of noodles.. but a lil lazy to go down and make it.

today i spoke of the rebirth. Baptized in fire.

today i bumped into a friend on the bus. Its funny last time I seen her on the bus I didn’t know that was her and didn’t say hi… this time we joked and laughed for bout 3 mins before my stop lol

today i read a bit more of “Dreams from my Father:” and kinda disappointed I aint done yet… Friday maybe??

today i downloaded like 300 beats… I cant wait to get writing.. .

today i watched episode 1 of the new Heroes series... it was fuckin amazin.. find me in front of my tv next monday at 9pm =]






Quote of the Day

"An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea. "


~Buddha



Song of the Day

the first episode of heroes season 4

was fuckin spectacular

much better than i expected..
kinda a lil down that peter petrelli has no more powers
it seems as though who only has the powers of the last person whom he touched... i liked it better when he was mr everything...
but the thing that doesnt make too much sense is in the last episode of hte last season he flew before touching his brother

so that doesnt make too much sense.. idk

any how good show over all

cant wait to see wat happens in that plane crashhhhh



Heroes > than any of ur favorite shows

50cent is a jack ass

interviewing Rick Ross baby mama.. ahahahahha



his moms looks like the klumps

haha

50 cent clowns on Rick ross again

hahaha

early morning train of thought

the train is quiet in the mornin... Everyone still trying to wake up and stay warm from the cold air. I try to read but i struggle to keep my eyes open. I see everything on here. The man in his thousand dollar suit and briefcase. The mother takin her children to school extra early just so she can get to work on time and the "no speake ingles" latinos who work drastic hours just so their children can get a bit of the american dream. I wonder if they look at me the way i look at them? Or are the so consumed in their own lives that they dont notice the short man in a backpack and hoodie trying to hide his uncombed hair. Ive never taken the train home this early before but i guess there is a first for everything.....

im only going to try meth once. how bad could it hurt?

powerful video