pillow talk

i find myself praying alot more before i sleep. and i remember days where i would refuse to pray. days where i would even get upset when someone asked me to pray. i would never say i am an atheist or even a religious man. i consider myself more i guess spiritual. like everything happens for a reason and its all just the circle of life.

but something happen to me recently and i started feeling certain ways about things and certain ways at night that wouldnt allow me to sleep, wouldnt allow me to watch certain tv shows or even movies. i was going crazy. nuts. every 5 mins i thought of death and the possibilities it had for me. and how fragile life was and how we all take everything for granted.

i dont go to church, but i do reead up on alot of different religious ways and philosophies. and i had this thought the other day.

u know how every religious groups say they are right and all others are wrong

well wat if thats wrong

wat if we are all right.

wat if this Genius that made us knew that in different parts of the world different societies, environments all over the place, that everyone reacted and felt differently towards different ideas or beliefs. so he created these different religions or ways to live ur life so that everyone could live right. most religions practically say the same shit. i mean its dressed up differently, ur jewish, hindu, muslim etc. are all dressed and advertised differently.. but when u get down to the core, the bone of the animal u realize its all the same. who they believe in is not the same.. b ut thats not the point its what they believe in. their morals, beliefs and values are generally pretty much the same give or take a few things. we all want to live a long peaceful life. full of fun times and optimism. and each of our religions our telling us all the same thing for the most part. help out ur fellow man, treat others how u want to be treated, dont over indulge in anything. to always have a balanced life..


sorry

i know i ramble alot

i got a lot of things going on upstairs.

coming of age

so i recently just got a facebook

and i still dont know how to use it

however all the people who are my facebook friends i havent seen in yearsss

my myspace friends were totally different and i truly think that myspace is more for the creative mind because u can create ur world by creating ur page. i feel that facebook is too simple. u cant tell who the person is or wat they are about until u look at their pics or read some shit.. u cant just look at a page and get a sense of who t hey are...

any way..

all my facebook friends are friends from back in the day tht i went to highschool with or even early college years. and as i look at them at times i feel as though i may have failed myself and at times them. i see them and alot of them have graduated college, have kids, married, have great jobs. and here i am

24 yrs old
no kids
no job
no money
and no good drug habit to blame everything on

the only person i can blame is myself and the decisions i made.

now dont think i am beating myself up because i aint. i truly believe we all have our own paths to walk and lessons to learn. i dont feel jealous or anythign like that when looking at another persons life because thats their life. i believe i am going thru wat i need to go thru and i am taking the actions nessasary to take me where i need to be in life..

well any how...

on to the next one....


song of the moment

WOODYS PRODUCE INSTRUMENTALS...

white boy got skillz

dumb ass Anthony

thats the name i call myself when i do soemthing wrong...

u know like when ur parents get mad at u they call u by ur full name? well when i am mad at myself i call myself Anthony.. so it happens quite often.. especially lately. well if u read my previous blog u will see that i was supposed to see my dad..

i missed my flight

and i dont want to talk about it

i had that bitch (girl that was goign to go with me to see my dad) drop me off at a gas station 3 miles from LAX at 6 pm and i found my way home. on my own

dumb ass Anthony for missing flight

Smart ass for getting home form the middle of nowhere before sundown lol

6 years and waitin...

so this friday i am scheduled to fly to flordia to see my father. i havent seen my father in over 3 years. and above that i havent touched my father in almost 6 years , Pause. i am very excited for this try but yet nervous at the same time. imagine seeing someone u love most in this world after 3 years.. thats pretty intense. i hope i dont cry...

so i woke up this past thursday and i read the news on yahoo. the news said there was a tropical storm headed towards where my plane was to be landing.. not only that but the whole storm would last just until the day i left then it will be sunny again. that was the worse news someone could have told me. not only that but there are several hurricane developing in the area and i might not be able to see him at all..

i pray that the weather man is wrong and that everything will be sunny so i can see my father... =\

Tony Park coming backk??

there has many speculations that i was done forever



that i was just going to fade if to black


now if i did that i would be going against everything i stand for....

see ya'll soon!!!

Tony Park.. a baby daddy???

so i recently just found out that i am going to be a father

pretty trippy right?

Tony Park... Mr. I can change the world.. is goign to be a father.

about to father a child out of wedlock.

all this comes at a funny time in life when i felt like my dreams were on the verge on coming true.

so now my greatest dream since a child has moved from my first priority to my last.
everything that i have worked so hard at is now not my priority.

its kinda weird if u think about it.. Mr Dream Big... has just stop all his dreams...

now i dont want any one to get this the wrong way...

I AM NOT IN ANY WAY QUITTING

it would not make sense for me to quit then preach to my child not to never give up no matter wat the obstecle

so i am just taking a break...

a break that has been long needed

i will return soon. with a prego baby mama,, a great job.. my own place... and spitting hot lava

lol



ill still be writing here....

one day

i want to be an old man

with an all white beard that is a few years long.

that still works everyday to make things better for everyone that i know and dont know

one that still reads and writes columns for the online blog news papers and opnion coloumns..

and teaches at a local university... like a philosphy class just to help the young learn how to think for themselves and not how society wants them to think...

i want to be that old man that talks to everyone at his grandsons tball games
that sits and watches tv with his grandkids on his lap callin him grandpa

i want my wife to always get mad at me cause i cant sit still and get mad at mee for screaming loud when the game is on

i want my kids to speak to me like i am their best friend

and i want my best friends to still come visit me and we have have a drink of sctoch and talk about old times


for soo long i wished to never be old....
our american society is so obsessed with the young age that old people arent respected and looked at as slow stupid individuals....

i think its about time we change that and respect the old like the eastern cultures....

The Network part 2

gets interesting around the 1:00

just listening

The NEtwork

made in 1970's

but sounds like 2009

you have to ask urself

If my life ended today and i went to heaven. Would my life be worth bragging about?....


Just something to think bout from ur neighborhood Tony Park