pillow talk

i find myself praying alot more before i sleep. and i remember days where i would refuse to pray. days where i would even get upset when someone asked me to pray. i would never say i am an atheist or even a religious man. i consider myself more i guess spiritual. like everything happens for a reason and its all just the circle of life.

but something happen to me recently and i started feeling certain ways about things and certain ways at night that wouldnt allow me to sleep, wouldnt allow me to watch certain tv shows or even movies. i was going crazy. nuts. every 5 mins i thought of death and the possibilities it had for me. and how fragile life was and how we all take everything for granted.

i dont go to church, but i do reead up on alot of different religious ways and philosophies. and i had this thought the other day.

u know how every religious groups say they are right and all others are wrong

well wat if thats wrong

wat if we are all right.

wat if this Genius that made us knew that in different parts of the world different societies, environments all over the place, that everyone reacted and felt differently towards different ideas or beliefs. so he created these different religions or ways to live ur life so that everyone could live right. most religions practically say the same shit. i mean its dressed up differently, ur jewish, hindu, muslim etc. are all dressed and advertised differently.. but when u get down to the core, the bone of the animal u realize its all the same. who they believe in is not the same.. b ut thats not the point its what they believe in. their morals, beliefs and values are generally pretty much the same give or take a few things. we all want to live a long peaceful life. full of fun times and optimism. and each of our religions our telling us all the same thing for the most part. help out ur fellow man, treat others how u want to be treated, dont over indulge in anything. to always have a balanced life..


sorry

i know i ramble alot

i got a lot of things going on upstairs.

coming of age

so i recently just got a facebook

and i still dont know how to use it

however all the people who are my facebook friends i havent seen in yearsss

my myspace friends were totally different and i truly think that myspace is more for the creative mind because u can create ur world by creating ur page. i feel that facebook is too simple. u cant tell who the person is or wat they are about until u look at their pics or read some shit.. u cant just look at a page and get a sense of who t hey are...

any way..

all my facebook friends are friends from back in the day tht i went to highschool with or even early college years. and as i look at them at times i feel as though i may have failed myself and at times them. i see them and alot of them have graduated college, have kids, married, have great jobs. and here i am

24 yrs old
no kids
no job
no money
and no good drug habit to blame everything on

the only person i can blame is myself and the decisions i made.

now dont think i am beating myself up because i aint. i truly believe we all have our own paths to walk and lessons to learn. i dont feel jealous or anythign like that when looking at another persons life because thats their life. i believe i am going thru wat i need to go thru and i am taking the actions nessasary to take me where i need to be in life..

well any how...

on to the next one....


song of the moment

WOODYS PRODUCE INSTRUMENTALS...

white boy got skillz

dumb ass Anthony

thats the name i call myself when i do soemthing wrong...

u know like when ur parents get mad at u they call u by ur full name? well when i am mad at myself i call myself Anthony.. so it happens quite often.. especially lately. well if u read my previous blog u will see that i was supposed to see my dad..

i missed my flight

and i dont want to talk about it

i had that bitch (girl that was goign to go with me to see my dad) drop me off at a gas station 3 miles from LAX at 6 pm and i found my way home. on my own

dumb ass Anthony for missing flight

Smart ass for getting home form the middle of nowhere before sundown lol

6 years and waitin...

so this friday i am scheduled to fly to flordia to see my father. i havent seen my father in over 3 years. and above that i havent touched my father in almost 6 years , Pause. i am very excited for this try but yet nervous at the same time. imagine seeing someone u love most in this world after 3 years.. thats pretty intense. i hope i dont cry...

so i woke up this past thursday and i read the news on yahoo. the news said there was a tropical storm headed towards where my plane was to be landing.. not only that but the whole storm would last just until the day i left then it will be sunny again. that was the worse news someone could have told me. not only that but there are several hurricane developing in the area and i might not be able to see him at all..

i pray that the weather man is wrong and that everything will be sunny so i can see my father... =\

Tony Park coming backk??

there has many speculations that i was done forever



that i was just going to fade if to black


now if i did that i would be going against everything i stand for....

see ya'll soon!!!

Tony Park.. a baby daddy???

so i recently just found out that i am going to be a father

pretty trippy right?

Tony Park... Mr. I can change the world.. is goign to be a father.

about to father a child out of wedlock.

all this comes at a funny time in life when i felt like my dreams were on the verge on coming true.

so now my greatest dream since a child has moved from my first priority to my last.
everything that i have worked so hard at is now not my priority.

its kinda weird if u think about it.. Mr Dream Big... has just stop all his dreams...

now i dont want any one to get this the wrong way...

I AM NOT IN ANY WAY QUITTING

it would not make sense for me to quit then preach to my child not to never give up no matter wat the obstecle

so i am just taking a break...

a break that has been long needed

i will return soon. with a prego baby mama,, a great job.. my own place... and spitting hot lava

lol



ill still be writing here....

one day

i want to be an old man

with an all white beard that is a few years long.

that still works everyday to make things better for everyone that i know and dont know

one that still reads and writes columns for the online blog news papers and opnion coloumns..

and teaches at a local university... like a philosphy class just to help the young learn how to think for themselves and not how society wants them to think...

i want to be that old man that talks to everyone at his grandsons tball games
that sits and watches tv with his grandkids on his lap callin him grandpa

i want my wife to always get mad at me cause i cant sit still and get mad at mee for screaming loud when the game is on

i want my kids to speak to me like i am their best friend

and i want my best friends to still come visit me and we have have a drink of sctoch and talk about old times


for soo long i wished to never be old....
our american society is so obsessed with the young age that old people arent respected and looked at as slow stupid individuals....

i think its about time we change that and respect the old like the eastern cultures....

The Network part 2

gets interesting around the 1:00

just listening

The NEtwork

made in 1970's

but sounds like 2009

you have to ask urself

If my life ended today and i went to heaven. Would my life be worth bragging about?....


Just something to think bout from ur neighborhood Tony Park

if u want to know my life story

just give me a pack of cigerettes and a 12 pack and we can chat

i can play this fourever

i can pay this song no matter my ood and start singing out loud at the top f my lungs....

some people sacrifice the world for personal gain

i sacrifice personal gain for the world...

Happy Bday Nick Nowell

wats up my nigga
damn bro i havent talkd to u in a min
i am sorry i didnt make it to see u today, no bus really passes by the cemetary.
but wat i raelly wanted to do was thank you for being a great friend, for allowing me to be your friend, for trying to fix whtings between me and ur "cousin" and for allowing my mother to call u "son" and my lil sister to call u "Brother".
i have had many close calls lately and i am pretty positive you got my back from up there just like u did when we were down here. never let nothign happen to me. i appreciate everything and i promise to never let ur memories die...

ill see u one day

your FRiend.. Ant beezy

B-Up
Rest in Peace

behind the curtain

life has its way of telling u things, communicating with u in languages that you dont speak. and its in those days that life seems the darkest. that you feel most frustrated and all u want to do is give up, press that snooze button a lil while longer and hope that when u finally stop pressin it tht everything will be ok.

u see sometimes when things are at their hardest its Life speaking to u, telling u something that u dont want to hear. and because u dont want to hear u get frustrated, angry, depressed, because u know wat u have to do.

u have to CHANGE

but see change isnt so easy. at least not for those comfortable in their current position. we are too used to our habits. our waking up at a certain time, a going to sleep at a certain time, wat kind of food we eat, where we sleep, wat kind of things we expect in the opposite sex, etc. and whenever we go against our habits things just dont go right.

i have been struggling with this since Oct. Not working, going to sleep at 4 in the morning, waking up at 11 in the afternoon and being in front of a computer all day. well to make matters worse when i did work it was a job that shouldnt even be called a job. it was awesome. i worked from 130-730 which meant, still waking up at 11 to catch the bus by 12. sitting in front of the computer all day talking on the phone sellling cable TV. now i know i sold shit, but i have been in sales for so long its like second nature. so i would get to work at 130 get on line and chill for 6 hours then go home. then got paid every friday any where from $600-$1200 per week. shit i even made like $3500 or so from like dec 15 till the first week in jan. and i was soo excited about the money cause i knew i could afford to go back to school now. and thats all i wanted, thats all i prayed for. was a good job that would allow me to go back to school. but with my luck i spent the money, on things i would never need and could do with out. but since that money was coming so quick i wold down play everything with the idea i would get money again next week.
well to make a long story short, that place lost their license and they shut down. i had only worked from NOV. 15 till like Jan. 20th. just two whole months.
i get a call two weeks later from the boss from there like hey i got a job for u come in. so i start back up woring with them. this time selling loan mods (which was a pain since hate the mortgage industry). and i was there for a month, working the same hours, only this time i didnt get paid. A FULL MONTH AND NO PAY$$$$$.
so when they had closed that for a week and my boss asked if iw anted to sell Cable again i said sure.. but with doubts in my head because i hadnt gtten paid form them in almost two months. ... so i never showed up

i have been out of work since. i am completely broke. i had gotten some money like two days ago from my grandparents to help me out cause they knew i was broke. but then got ganked for the money by my cousin who (who is going to Cancun this week cause he got bank) said i needed to pay my half of the cable bill. i felt like crying. i was angry, but not at him, no, please dont think that. i was angry at myself

i am pissed off because i can't change, i wont change!
i know i can change, i know i can do alot in this world, that i can contribute a lot to mankind and to my family.

but right now i am not.

u know wat i hate most right now? is the stupid questions, "how are you?" & "what u been up to?" i hate those quetions cause they remind me of how much of a fuck up i have become. wat do u want me to tell u....

*my answer*


oh i am fine, im 24 yrs old, live in my grandmas attic, i have no job, dont go to school, broke, no car, and my bus pass just ran out so i have no source of transportation but my two feet. no education, and no good drug habit to blame everything on. all i have is this lil voice in my head that screams at me when i over sleep, and somehign in me that wont let me die cause i dont want those who i love hurt


thats my story right now, thats who i am today. i am sorry wat others may think but i am a fuckin loser. iam that person i swore i would never become. i am my biggest nightmare and when i think about it i cry my fuckin eyes out.

so back to the topic of this blog... CHANGE

they say the species that is unable to change is the species that eventually becomes deceased.

well let me tell u something right now...
i wont be killed by my own hand, i will rise from this, i will become stronger i will become someone who i know i am, and i am just too afraid to be...

u see sometimes life has a way of speaking to us and we dont understand.
and right now Life is telling me that if i continue living the way i am i will die. but i refuse to be a has been or someone who could have done something...


i will do something in this world...
i will become someone

and there is no better day than today

interesting article

that i happen to be interviewed for...
pretty good read...
Beats and Lyricism Have Changed In Current Era of Hip-Hop
by Rajiv Mirchandani

From the days of Run DMC to Public Enemy to Kanye West, hip-hop has been a cultural movement, a lifestyle and a form of expression.

It has integrated various genres into its creative arsenal over time, such as jazz, techno, blues and even rock.

You can find hip-hop in many forms, such as freestyle rap battles, instrumental beats, poetry, and much more.

"True hip-hop to me is always going to be something that captures the true essence of it, like breaking, D.J.-ing, emceeing and graffiti," said George Wang, who spends most of his time behind a microphone with the alias MC Golden Child.

Although it is more than a genre of music, the basics of hip-hop have always been defined by the beats and lyrics of its most successful performers.

Lyrics that represent struggles to overcome, lyrics that celebrate the promotion of change, and lyrics with creatively expressed underlying morals have carried hip-hop on their shoulders.

In this age of mainstream hip-hop, however, true lyricism has arguably become a lost art. Artists like Soulja Boy and Lil' Wayne have used their "swag" to become top selling artists with their unique form of hip-hop, where catchy phrases such as "lick me like a lollipop," and dances like the "stanky leg," have been their signature.

"Back in the early 1990's, you had groups like Souls of Mischief, A Tribe Called Quest, and Pharcyde on the radio, and it was definitely so innovative at the time," said Wang.

"I feel like now it's gotten so washed up that you hear the same message," he added. "That message wasn't the same [one] that you heard, like hip-hop in its hay day."

Perhaps less emphasis on lyrics in today's main stream hip hop scene represents a shift in priorities of listeners.

"Guys like Soulja Boy and T-Pain are good entertainers, but as far as their songs go, it's a shame that they are even considered to be a part of hip-hop," said Vinnie Brascia, a PCC student with an iPod full of underground hip-hop.

"In my opinion, strong lyrics are the most important part of a good song, not a catchy beat or a shallow phrase that entertains me. But I guess that's what people look for nowadays," Brascia added.

Brascia's theory of entertainment overtaking lyrics was reiterated by Wang.

"A lot of times I love good lyrics, but it has to be backed up by good production," said Wang.

He added, "I have so many great MC's in my rolodex that have the most amazing lyrics, but can't ride the beat, and it does them no justice. No one wants to listen to music they can't vibe too."

Tony Park, a fellow MC, also shared insight as to why lyricism has taken a back seat to entertainment. He claims that good lyrics result from harsh realities. Therefore, listeners don't want to bother with them.

"Lyrics do matter to people that actually listen, but a lot of people don't like to face reality. They like to escape it," said Park. "That is why club songs are good. They allow you to have a good time and get away from the nonsense of the world."

Another theory about the current era is that true hip-hop is just hidden somewhere in the depths of its underground branch.

Student and hip-hop enthusiast Kurt Hoverson believes that "Hip-hop heads should not worry too much, because there are plenty of up-and-coming artists in the underground circuit."

Whether the current change in the story of this genre is attributed to Soulja Boy, Lil Wayne, T-Pain or even underground artists, the truth is that hip-hop has simply turned to a new chapter, but has left the window open for a return of its old ones.

Park stated, "Hip-hop just has its seasons. This is the season of club music, but you have so many different eras that always seem to come back."

So while this new sound is either embraced or rejected by the hip-hop world, one aspect of it remains consistent; Its versatile ability to transform into something new and fresh, or to bring it back to where it was at.




to check out more articles by the Journalist check out his blogspot @

http://makeupyomind.blogspot.com/

Last one for the day

i know my last few post have came pretty late

sorry
but its pretty funny

i am at my uncles house

its 130am

his three kids are asleep as well as his wife

and we are in the living room drilling holes in the wall to mount the tv
hahahaha

soo funnyy
any how

Good NIghtt!!

Mixtape Updates!!

so my first mixtape shall be released in the next 45 days,

as far as wat to expect and who it will drop with.

well wat ur really going to get with this first mixtape is just the best songs i have recorded in the past 12 months that were either on myspace or performed.
with this first mixtape dont look at it like a mixtape but rather a warm up, or a quiet of the storm.
i really just want to get some music out to everyone with out having them wait too long.
so the first mixtape is going to feature about 60% of songs u heard toped with like 6-7 brand new songs never heard before.

but my first OFFICAL mixtape is looking at a may-june release date
for now its called "Hello Tomorrow Vol. 1: The Birth of Tony Park" or somethign like that
i am still playing with the name a Bit.
i am really excited about everything because i have been writting alot of great stuff lately that everyone will love. covers alot of me and different topics that i wanted to talk about.


well stay tuned...

"iT DOESNT MATTER

IF THE WHOLE WORLD BELIEVES IN YOU, IF U DONT BELIEVE IN URSELF."

written by a lil punk 19 yr old kid who was soon to become

Tony Park

Just Add Water...

do u remember those toys? they would come in a lil pack. like sick lil dinosaurs crunched in a lil plasitc package. they would come in all colors and sizes. u had the red t-rex, the yellow triceratops, the pink terradactoe etc. and they would be tiny. and u couldnt wait to get home and take a bath and take all ur new toys with u. cause even though they were only like 2 1/2 inches long in the packet. the moment u put them in the tub with u, u had HUGE dinosaurs that u would play with till ur hands had wrinkles all over them. they were larger than u ever suspected from the package and they blew u out the water.


well i have a secret for u. . . inside each any every single one of us lies a small lil dinosaur. a giant that is in us that from the outset just seems like a lil small thing, a dream, a gift, a talent, a will, a gift, that is soo small in our eyes because of the fact that we dont really know at to do with it.


here are ur directions:*caution* should not be read by people who really want to live life to the fullest*

first thing u have to do is uncover it.
take it out of its package. because the longer it stays in the package the smaller it will become.
secondly Add water.
just like those lil dinosaurs needed water, u have to feed that gift, u have to take care of it and give it exactly wat it needs.
thirdly watch it grow.
my favorite part was actually watching it grow more than it being big. its that feeling of accomplishment, while still in the act of working hard, to watch something u put soo much into get bigger and blossom.
fourth enjoy it.
nothing is great unless u can enjoy it. sit back and take a moment to reflect about how much work u put in and how good work really pays off.
fifth open up another pack

just because u made it this far doesnt mean that all the fun is over
get off ur ass and look inside of u and open another pack. another gift, talent, dream inside of u that is just waiting for u to JUST ADD WATER



fROM UR bUDDY tONY pARK

grammatical errors and short hand

ok ok here is my disclaimer

i aint one of those people that re-read wat they write after they write it

i write, and press submit.. then read wat i wrote a while later.

however this process has its good and its bad...

GOOD:
raw thoughts
raw emotions
none of this correcting nonsense just in case i offended someone.
EVERYTHING IS RAWW


BAD:
alot of grammatical errors, misspelled words, and i write in short hand alot. using u instead of you, wat instead of what.. etc.

so please dont think like "OMG this guy doesnt know how to write, or know how to spell.."

fuck that ill beat u and ur mom in a spelling bee. lol

its just how i do my thang thang...

any how...

have a great day =D

the best advice i ever gave

i find myself always being the one people go to for help, when they need a wise word or somthing to beef them up and make them feel better. i can give great advice, i can tell u exactly how to be who u want to be, i can show u how.


but i find it hard doing it myself.

it almost sounds depressing. like i am a depressed person.. prolly. idk. but i always feel this way when things aint going right.

the truth is i am tired of it

so last night i gave someone the best advice i wish i got at 18

"dont think too much. cause if u think too much one day u'll wake up from ur thoughts and ur life will have passed u by. yes it is good to think, but u have to act, u have to do. u have to make the mistake because its better to do and regret then it is to not have done and wonder wat if...."


have a great day

dreams in reality

i never been a huge fan of sleeping, i guess cause thats all my mom does all day. and i always seen that as being lazy and unproductive.

but i guess the last two months thats all i been doing. because i have nothing better to do. i mean i know i can do alot of things, but when ur in a hopeless state of mind, sleep is like ur favorite thing. cause u dream about a better place, like thats how life is supposed to feel. and ur real life just seems like a nightmare. and u just cant seem to wait till u fall asleep again and go to a better place.

i wonder if my mom feels the same way when she sleeps.

hopefully i can change sometime soon.

update

so i have tried a few times to post on here but each time it doesnt work.

and i really dont know why

but expect most of my updates to start coming daily..

i got a lot of shit brewing, and i cant wait for everyone to see


i hear a bunch of people like "Tony Park fell off"

but my show hasnt even started yet

im still back stage waiting for yall to see the real show

any how

stay posted more stuff coming today

and the following days

peaceeee

~MR Park

today i.s March 9, 2009

today i woke up at 9am because a friend of mine got me a job interview at his moms job. I pressed the snooze till 10:15am. I was supposed to be there after 11

today i I got dressed pretty quick for the interview. I think I was wearing the exact same thing in my last two interviews. Its been good luck

today i so I got to the interview about 1:00PM, to this spot in downtown. It was a store that mainly marketed to Latinos. I liked that idea, but I don ’t speak spanish
today i reminded myself that only once I didn’t get a job off an interview.


today i had a great interview, they said I was very qualified and would be a great worker at their establishment, except 90% of all their clients and workers only spoke Spanish, so I didn’t get the job I applied for… but maybe ill get a cheap ass cashier job there…


today i on the ride home I was quieter than usual. I guess I didn’t like the idea that because I didn’t know Spanish it stoped me from getting a great job. .

today i went to the library to print out my resume. The funniest thing was that everyone that was there using the computers were all on myspace… even the big time gangster. He was the one who taught me how to use the computers there haha

today i hung out with a friend that used to be my best friend. A part of me questions why she is around because when I was in my dark ages she was there. And I didn’t want to repeat my dark ages. However I am a different person than I was then. And this person who was next to me was at one point my best friend, my only friend. But now I feel like im with a total stranger because we both have changed so much. But its good to have a friend around. Especially one that knows me almost as good as I know myself. Who knows everything. Even my deepest darkest secrets I never told another soul. Miss Jones Beach Soda Pop herself

today i ate taco bell to cheer me up. If I had money I would have gotten some sushi. But me and sushi haven’t gone out since I last had money. I need a well paying job again

today i went to go eat with my friend Martin at taco bell. And for the first five mins we were talking about how good taco bell was. Like how in the hell could people not like taco bell.

today i felt my soul was sick. That there was no fire in me. So I watched an all time favorite “Peaceful Warrior” it helped a bit, but it mainly helped cause it reminded me that no outside force can alter how I view the world and how I act toward this world. Only me. I finished the movie and emailed my resume to several places looking for work


today i planned on going to sleep after Heroes was over… its now almost 2 am. And the spot that might be the only place I can make money at needs me to be there at 7, which means I have to take the bus from my house at 5:30am. I guess I aint going in the morning

today i didn’t go to the job that I am currently at. I didn’t even call in. I am just soo tired of working and not making money. Since march 2007 I have not been getting paid for all the work I put in. and that kills me. I have worked harder than most people I know. I am smarter, and I am good at everything I do. But I am broke. And idiots I know have new cars, don’t live at home. Always going on vacation. And that kills me. I mean when I get paid I do get paid a great amount of money. But that money takes so long to get here I have soo many bills I have to pay. That it is only good for one great meal. And the rest is bills.
today i got a message from Five Hundred. Which I don’t mind. But I didn’t like how I was being told wat to do. Like being scolded like a lil child. Like I told u already not to do blah blah blah. I don’t come at u telling u wat to do or not do. That’s a job for boyfriends and parents. I am neither. Live and let live.

today i wanted to write, but gave up before I even started.

today i got asked by the same guy 3 times for change in downtown. The first time on my way to my interview. The second time when I got out my interview, the 3rd time was like 30 seconds after that. He acted like he never seen me before. It was kind of funny.

today i tried to break a bad habit I have developed over the years that will eventually kill me. I blame it for all my troubles today. But its my addiction I cant see to overcome. < br>
today i fell asleep with a lil bit of hope in my heart. Because Tomorrow is a new day… another day to get it right

.





Quote of the Day

"
there are 3 types of people in this world. those who watch wat happens, those who wonder how it happens and those who make it happen. which one are u? "


~Pedro Acevedo Jr.~my father. its a saying he always told me since as far back as i could remember. i used to just memorize it cause he always asked it. i was too young to understand that he was instilling one of the greatest rules in line. Thank you



Song of the Day

Frustration and Failed Suicide Attempts ~Charles Hamilton

Sweet Serenity

here is my song "Sweet Serenity" prod. by Small Professor...

download


http://www.zshare.net/audio/563661547f26ac32/

THank You

Here is Thank You, which premiered at the show held at the Knitting Factory..

download here

http://www.zshare.net/audio/56223076fd09f279/

today i.s Feb 23,2009

so today's "Today i..." i am writing a bit different. all day not too much had happened, but at around 11pm, when i was warming up my cup of noodles and about to watch the re-run of the Clippers whooping on Golden State, i got word that i had a visitor @ the door. it was my Five Hundred. she said she wanted to speak to me. Being that she is the only girl i am afraid of i didnt want to go outside. she said she only wanted to talk for a few mins.
1 hour later. . .
we were still outside. talking, laughing, yelling, crying, i felt every emotion with in that hour she was there more than wat i felt in the past month . its very difficult to describe the feelings i felt and to describe how i felt after. i was just happy that i was able to see her and let her know how i felt about things and she told me about how she felt about things. in all i liked the conversation. will Five Hundred and i ever get back together?? i dont think so. not any time soon at least.
usually i am good at this. expressing how i felt but last night after she left, my mind kept racing and i drank myself to sleep.
i heard yesterday that if u can laugh, think and cry in one day that u had a complete day. but i like to think that if u love as well ur day is complete. because its love that binds this world together.
last night i felt my day was complete. years from now i will never remember wat happen on this day. ill never remember work or the bus ride home... but i will remember her and i laughing and crying in the night. sometimes love is like the stars in the night, just cause u cant see the stars doesnt mean that its not there. ....
today i had a conversation with Five Hundred to see how she was doing. Was happy that she is happy. Like I told u from day one…”id rather see u happy from a far then see u in tears when im near”.. and right now that couldn’t me more clear.

we are creatures of Emotion

so today i am feeling really angry

like there is a deep frustration that i have been suppressing and now it feels like it is about to get the best of me.

alot of times i hold back on feelings, emotions and thoughts.

but lately i feel the frustration getting harder and harder to suppress.

i know wat ur thinking ... "why would u suppress ur feelings, thoughts or emotions?"

i do it because i dont like to offend people. or say things that might hurt people, or do things that might hurt people...

i know wat i am doing is wrong.. but it helps me sleep better at night...


well at least it used too...


ummmm


Good Luck

im sorry but our Goverment cannot save your ass

i speak to people all day and all they are wondering is how can the goverment save me. the truth is they cant.

i am a huge Obama supporter.. but wat i am talking about doesnt have to do with him. more with the way our country is structured.


u have to help urself.. and while ur helping urself u'll see different goverment programs that can help u along the way.


but if u are laying down waiting for someone to pick u up u might as well cross ur arms and dig ur self a dirt bed. with a rock as ur pillow...



idk i speak to people all day and they are just idiots. like if they are waiting for Obama himself to call or something....

idiots


any how

im going to vegas this weekend to get super drunk and excape from this illusion we live in....


=D

if i could save the whole world

i would


but unfortunately i cant


but ill do wat i can


ill do my part one family at a time


-1984

all day

i speak to people who need help

who lost their job, lost a family member, and are about to lose their homes with no where to go.

these are good families, husband and wife in the house. a few kids, a dog. who had good lives...

then this whole economic down turn killed them
they got laid off
the cost of living has gone up
and they can no longer live comfortable.


everyday i speak to them.
they ask wat i can do to help them
i wish i could help all of them because its the ones that need ur help that most are the ones u cant help
because they have no money
and even though we help save their home
it cost a fee.

and because they cant afford that fee they will be forced out of the house they worked so hard to get in hopes that it can be paid off by the time their baby becomes an adult.


where is the bail out for these people.

how could people with 5 homes not help out a person a need.


idk maybe i am just ramblin and entering a space that i dont belong.

like who am i, a guy living in his grandmas house who cant afford rent everymonth, speaking about helping the poor.


idk maybe i am just a dreamer

just be grateful for ur situation cause people out there always got it worse.

all guys wish the same shit a girl wishes for

someone who would love us
and not lie or cheat on us or flirt with other people


but we cant find that either


so yea



Happy Valentines day

Knocturnal Sunshine

why is it that i seem to write all my best work, create my best work, and do my best thinking when there is no more light in my sky and most of the world in my time zone is asleep? its weird.. cause i mean i am tired myself. but its like the darkness just allows me to shine because there is no way i can come alive under the sun... either that or i am a fuckin vampire.


either way

its my time

Quote of the day

Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.



Viktor E.
Frankl

so i just got off the phone with this guy

who just lost his wife 3 months ago
his wife whom he loved and lived with for the past 30 years
they have 2 cats and 1 dog
but he never liked the cats
the cats were her cats
and it hurts him to see the cats.
he cant even feed them
everyday when he gets out of work he goes to the bar to drink to drown his thoughts and escape the pain
he spent over $20,000 on her funeral because his wife deserves the best going away party ever
i heard his pain
i felt wat he felt when he could no longer speak and had to put the phone down and cried his eyes out because the pain hurt so much

on the other line i was gettin teary eyed myself. listening to this man beg for help. help him save his home because his step daughter is pregnant and he needs to take care of his step daughter.


i wish i could be there in person. have a drink with him. give him a hug and let them know that there are people out there who cares wat happens even those that he never met.


i had to take a break from work because al lthe emotions were too much for me to bear.

i would like to leave and go home
but my situation is so bad that i cant afford to leave home.



never judge the man u meet on the street or the man in the store. u dont know wat they are going thru or wat is going on in their lives.

is it bad that when i say

have a great day

that i really truly mean it



i feel like im in a deep understanding


but maybe too understanding

maybe too loving

maybe too much of just being human i guesss

idk

well have a good day =]

i feel like my one lil voice can help change the world

and people say im foolish...

really who is more foolish,

he who feels he can change the world

or the one who doesnt?

i really wish...

that i had my own studio

i have soo much music that i write and i have in my head

but i know with my own studio ill be free to experiment as much as i can with out hearing someone tell me how i should do it or that i shouldnt do it this way...

i know that with the right stuff i can do amazing things

i just need the chance...



sorry just venting...


~1984

today i.s Feb 2, 2009

today i woke up at 5 am in an attempt to revive my life… to no avail

today i I took the train to my new job, but there was no one there. Feeling like I was let down.. maybe I missed the memo =..

today i rode the bus home at 7 am from my new job that I guess Isnt a job at all. Kinda weird going backwards

today i wrote this listing to “sidetracked ” by Joe Budden,

today i took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. I keep telling myself it was too catch up on missed sleep. But really I wasn’t that tired.

today i was hit up by a friend of mine to meet him at the park. I asked why and I never got a answer.. but the truth is when it’s a good friend like that… u don’t need a reason. So i dropped wat I was doing and left .

today i was waiting for the Dash to get to the park and some guy whose name i didn’t know. Pulled over and took me to my destination. His name was marvin, a Filipino whom I played basketball with many of times. He is very competitive so on the court we usually don’t get along if we on different teams. But in essence we are on the same team. The Human team chasing the American Dream

today i went to the park for the first time in a long time. My Park. Yosemite Park. I walked up and got mobbed by kids. It feels good knowing they still remember u and still love u like it was yesterday.

today i said hello to my second family. The Park family. I love them and it’s a special bond that they have over there and even when I am there for 5 mins I can feel that bond.

today i went to go eat with my friend Martin at taco bell. And for the first five mins we were talking about how good taco bell was. Like how in the hell could people not like taco bell.

today i spent at least 2 hours at taco bell. Kinda random, like when I woke up this morning I wasn’t expecting to be at taco bell with martin. It was like far from my imagination. But that’s life. It catches u by surprise

today i spent a lot of time talking to someone who doesn’t have the same view on life as I do, but who has an understanding view. We share a lot of the same struggle. music means the same to us. therapy. Its good having someone u can talk to everyonce in a while who doesn’t judge or make assumptions

today i spent a while talking business and how we going to get our music out there. Cant wait till u see wat we got in store .

today i wrote this at 1:30… hungry as hell.. thinking of having some cup of noodles.. but a lil lazy to go down and make it.

today i spoke of the rebirth. Baptized in fire.

today i bumped into a friend on the bus. Its funny last time I seen her on the bus I didn’t know that was her and didn’t say hi… this time we joked and laughed for bout 3 mins before my stop lol

today i read a bit more of “Dreams from my Father:” and kinda disappointed I aint done yet… Friday maybe??

today i downloaded like 300 beats… I cant wait to get writing.. .

today i watched episode 1 of the new Heroes series... it was fuckin amazin.. find me in front of my tv next monday at 9pm =]






Quote of the Day

"An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea. "


~Buddha



Song of the Day

the first episode of heroes season 4

was fuckin spectacular

much better than i expected..
kinda a lil down that peter petrelli has no more powers
it seems as though who only has the powers of the last person whom he touched... i liked it better when he was mr everything...
but the thing that doesnt make too much sense is in the last episode of hte last season he flew before touching his brother

so that doesnt make too much sense.. idk

any how good show over all

cant wait to see wat happens in that plane crashhhhh



Heroes > than any of ur favorite shows

50cent is a jack ass

interviewing Rick Ross baby mama.. ahahahahha



his moms looks like the klumps

haha

50 cent clowns on Rick ross again

hahaha

early morning train of thought

the train is quiet in the mornin... Everyone still trying to wake up and stay warm from the cold air. I try to read but i struggle to keep my eyes open. I see everything on here. The man in his thousand dollar suit and briefcase. The mother takin her children to school extra early just so she can get to work on time and the "no speake ingles" latinos who work drastic hours just so their children can get a bit of the american dream. I wonder if they look at me the way i look at them? Or are the so consumed in their own lives that they dont notice the short man in a backpack and hoodie trying to hide his uncombed hair. Ive never taken the train home this early before but i guess there is a first for everything.....

im only going to try meth once. how bad could it hurt?

powerful video

great story i found online

keep chasing ur dreams... u may never know wat can happen... if u never take a chance ull never know wats possible


Fred Jones woke up a little earlier than usual. The Clippers had cancelled their morning shoot-around, so he could have slept in.

But it's been hard to sleep soundly of late. Like too many of us these days, he's worried about losing his job.

On this morning, there were another set of bags to pack. Where he'd be taking them was still to be settled in a discussion he would not be invited to.

Wednesday's game against the Chicago Bulls marked the end of Jones' second 10-day contract with the team. By league rule, the team had to either let him go or sign him for the rest of the year.

Jones had been around the NBA long enough to most guys in his position heading to wherever home is when their second 10-day is up,


so he prepared himself for the worst.

"I hadn't heard anything," he said. "So I came to the game open-minded and felt like I needed to have a good one.

"I packed up all of my stuff either to go on the road trip or to go home."

His wife Kia tried to help him stay positive, as she always did.

But every time he looked at her belly and thought about the day this June when she'd give birth to their son, he couldn't help but worry.

This wasn't just about basketball or holding on to a dream anymore.

It hasn't been for the past nine months. Since Jones left the New York Knicks training facility at the end of last year and waited for a new contract that never came.

"All summer, my agents kept telling


me, 'Be patient, it's going to happen. It's going to happen,' " he said. "So we went and got married at the end of August thinking that the next week I was going to be heading to a new city and starting training camp."

They even put off a honeymoon so they wouldn't have to cancel it when the call came.

Jones had every reason to expect a call. Right? In 2002, the former University of Oregon star was the 14 th overall pick by the Indiana Pacers. Two years later, he won the NBA dunk contest at Staples Center, and in the chances he'd been given to start over the years, he'd always done well.

But as the months passed, and training camps started around the league, Jones began to realize that call might not come.

"I knew it was going to be a tough summer, just based on how this league works and the state of the economy," he said. "But you never can brace yourself. I just tried to stay faithful and know that he has a plan for me."

First the season opened, then a few weeks passed. Jones still worked out and kept himself in shape, but it was getting harder and harder to sit and wait when you've got a new wife to support and a child on the way.

" I started telling my wife, that I might need to find something else to do," he said.

"That this may not be my calling. This may be over."

There was disappointment and sadness. But mostly there was resolve.

It's rare that an NBA player who has made millions of dollars in his career could ever be forced to see the world through the eyes of an average, middle-class citizen.

But Jones seemed to draw strength from the experiences of so many others around the country who've been forced into perilous economic straits during this latest downturn.

And he did what most people do when times are tough. Cutting back on expenses, eating at home more than dining out, keeping his tastes simple.

The hardest part was not being able to help support his extended family, as he'd tried to do in his first six NBA seasons.

"I've always supported my whole entire family, so that's been tough," he said. "But I think all of us are better people for it. We don't need all of the stuff we have. Having that stuff was fun at times, but now it's about family."

When the Clippers signed him to a non-guranteed contract on Dec. 28, he immediately called his wife and mother.

"They started crying on the phone because they knew how much of a struggle it's been," Jones said.

That was a month ago. After Wednesday's game, he was going to find out whether his struggle would continue, or get easier.

It was the kind of day where you weren't sure you wanted to pick up the phone or not.

Every call, every e-mail makes you nervous.

So Jones just went about his normal routine, packed his bags and drove to the arena. It was impossible not to think about it. On the court, he'd be fine. But the drive over was nerve-racking.

Little did he know, the discussion about his immediate future was taking place at the exact moment.

When he got to Staples Center, he went to his locker and got dressed. His teammates on either side tried to pretend like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"But you know," said forward Zach Randolph, whose locker sits next to Jones'. "That stuff is public. Everybody knows."

Jones made his way onto the court for warm-ups and tried to prepare. On his way back into the locker room, Clippers coach and general manager Mike Dunleavy stopped him in the hall.

He was smiling.

And soon, Jones was too.

"Have you talked to you agent yet today?" Dunleavy asked him.

Jones shook his head, indicating he hadn't.

"We're going to pick you up for the rest of the year," Dunleavy said, grinning as widely as he has in quite some time. "You've done a good job."

By Ramona Shelburne, columnist, Daily News Los Angeles

old school classic

i was just thinking of this song..

old classic

enjoyyy

i don't care wat u do. . .

just please dont lie to me ... Even if u think the truth will hurt me... I can learn to deal with the truth... But a lie will only make me not trust u .. Then we can no longer be friends.....

and this is for every one



1984

today i.s January 29, 2009

,

today i woke up at 11… the luxury of not having a job

today i went for a run and worked out.. that’s two days in a row .

today i seen my cousin. He came from out of town to visit us. I haven’t seen him in almost 2 years.

today i wrote this listing to “if I could draw” by XV,

today i made an attempt to hit up the club but they didn’t let my cousin in… so we left…

today i was hit up by some idiot in line. He was like “are u checking me out?” he was drunk and was trying to act hard. I giggled as I responded. His homies came and he told them a false story of wat happened. I laughed more… then all my homies showed up and he shut the fuck up and I laughed my fuckin ass off

today i would like everyone to know im against fighting =] total waste of time and energy. Check out the quote

today i Bangkok Dangerous… good movie.. but I didn’t like the ending to much.

today i drank a lil bit of E & J and felt sick as hell .

today i became a Nino for a second time when my cousin Melissa gave birth to Samuel Isaih Acevedo… isn’t it ironic? Don’t u think? Sammy Acevedo finally seen the light of day. =\... but over all I am happy =D

today i continue to tell everyone and their mom that Slumdog Millionaire is the best movie I ever seen. .

today i fell asleep in my sisters bed. Its been a while.. but It hurt my face because the pillow had fuckin rhinestones on their.. wtf

today i got a call back for work. I got me a new job yay .

today i started watching “Religulous” fuckin awesome movie… have u ever seen it? I guess I think its hilarious because im not religious.

today i got asked again.. whens the mixtape dropping.. I got people waiting for me…. I cant wait to drop that cooked crack for yall

today i seen the nastiest finger ever. My lil sisters nail fell off…



quote of the day

u have to love someone to hate them

today i.s January 26, 2009

today i woke up at 9… then realized I no longer have a job and can sleep in a few more mins

today i took the bus to Glendale to pick up a working world magazine to help my quest in finding a job.

today i seen an old good friend on the bus , I meet him when I was 12 maybe 13 and at the time I was the coolest guy he knew. Today I heard him speak and thought how much he had things better than me. Then I thought how I don’t know his demons and stopped that train of thought

today i wrote this listing to “move on” by joell Ortiz and the slaughterhouse,

today i spent the last of my money on “ The Audacity of Hope” by Barack Obama… the irony …

today i went to the park for the first time in a long time. Spoke to the coordinator and a few parents. Apparently I was being requested by numerous parents to be a coach. Makes me happy

today i watched my 5 yr old cousin Play basketball. And argued with him because he wanted gum haha

today i watched the clipper game. Don’t get to watch many, but when I do its very exciting. A lot of people make fun of me for loving the team so much. They just don’t understand how much I love watching a team that everyone counts out fight till the end of the game. Reminds me of me.

today i wanted a drink, but I didn’t want to fall back into the trap of how I was before. Unemployed with a liquor habit.

today i ate another big mac special. 2 for $3.50… that’s a great bargin.. eat one for lunch save the other for dinner

today i joked with a woman I call mother, but is someone else’s mother, about how much people text. No need to call any more. But then I thought about how and why we are so out of touch these days. We used to pay a visit to someone if we wanted to chat. Then we started calling to save a trip. Now we text to save our voice.

today i never thought id be this happy because I found out I had 10 more dollars than I thought I did in my bank account. That’s like 3 more big mac specials lol or 10 burritos from taco bell

today i was asked about when my albums dropping.. I said March.. I hate that it keeps moving back.. but March is the Month.. .

today i wrote this at like 2:15 in the morning.. I find it hard to sleep these days… but im hungry and tired.. cup of noodles any one?

today i went on Five Hundreds page to see how she was doing. Was happy that she is happy. Like I told u from day one…”id rather see u happy from a far then see u in tears when im near”.. and right now that couldn’t me more clear.

today i wanted some glasses I bought from ryohhhs girlfriend for a $1 but nothing matched with pink

today i watched Obama’s interview he had with some middle east reporter… and the guy ceases to amaze me…

today i turned my internet on and forgot half the sites I used to go to. I guess they weren’t that important.

are all girls full of lies?

its like even the one that loves u the most in a sense lies to u the most.

Today is my Favorite day

well to start off i had a meeting with Krazy Kat, the head of Krazy Kat entertainment. we had a business meeting that was a success. learned lots of good things as well as shared my knowledge and it went very well. very excited about the new business relationships i am developing.


to top that off on my high about my music


i was walking down the street on wilshire smoking a cig. and some guy approached me, i thought he was goign to ask me for a cig..
instead he asked me "do u rhyme?"
"huh?" i replied.
he said "do u spit?"
then i said.. "yes... why wats up?"
he said..."yea i heard ur shit before its tight. i like ur music."
to my suprise i said "yea.. where at?"
he said "i saw u perform at the knitting factory. its was prettty"
i replied "thanks" ad went on my way....


wat a great day
when u get recognition for wat u do. it seems like God keeps reminding me..everytime i think of quitting he puts the right people in front of me to remind me to keep going...

if u show the world crack...

ull attract crackheads


u show the world ur tits

ull attract pigs


just a heads up

a letter to self

keep ur cool anthony
stop worrying anthony
everything is going to be ok anthony
u knew that the soda pop would just fizzle away anthony
u cant control wat happens to u but u can control how u react to it anthony
family and business can never work....


get off ur ass and stop complainin

a new deall

i got some big things lined back for 09

got a new mixtape deal imma drop at least 4-6 mixtapes

like 6-8 showss

its going ot be fucking awesome


get at me for features
beats collabs so forth

the saddest thing ive seen

i met this quiet girl on myspace about 9 months ago.

very quiet, shy, only about 150 friends and very conservative.

she was always talking about how she longed for love and how no guys ever wanted to be with her because she never wanted to give it up on the first night....


as months progressed she put 1 pic up with some cleavage, then a month later she put one up of her in her bra.. but u can barely tell it was her bra but still she did it.

her photo comments went up, friend request went up, and her messages started coming in a lot from guys trying to take her out...


i went to her page the other day and noticed that every pic on her page was in her bra or excessive cleavage.

friends were towering over 1600, and she had 50 comments on each of the pics.


she loves the attention. . .


another young girl lost...

Toghether AS One.. New Yearsss

so i went to my first rave for new years
it was pretty intense

it took me a good hour to get used to the atmosphere. very different from the hiphip club scene i was used to. everyone was prety happy. guys and girl. not like a club where the guys try to act hard and the girls act stuck up. everyone was really cool.

going to enjoy of a few of these before i retire


peacee

before xmas

well my xmas week was fuckin narly

i got paid on the friday before and went to watch that george lopez.
that was a fun day.

now i am a huge stand up comedy freak. i love everyone from richard pryor to bill cosby to dave chappelle.. everyone.. i love that shit with a passion.

but that was my first stand up ever in person.

and i must say it was worth the money. i sat 10 rows back, had a double jack and coke and a margarita... and that whole night was gangsterrr <~~~ i heard some white boy use that word lol .

any how.. i went broke in 2 days. thats meee =]

holiday update***

ok so since i havent updated since like xmas i decided to leave a posts to update my shittt.


but instead of giving u guys a long ass essay on where the fuck ive been

ill drop it in sections.. so yea

stay tuned for hte next few days

new shittt