THank You

Here is Thank You, which premiered at the show held at the Knitting Factory..

download here

http://www.zshare.net/audio/56223076fd09f279/

today i.s Feb 23,2009

so today's "Today i..." i am writing a bit different. all day not too much had happened, but at around 11pm, when i was warming up my cup of noodles and about to watch the re-run of the Clippers whooping on Golden State, i got word that i had a visitor @ the door. it was my Five Hundred. she said she wanted to speak to me. Being that she is the only girl i am afraid of i didnt want to go outside. she said she only wanted to talk for a few mins.
1 hour later. . .
we were still outside. talking, laughing, yelling, crying, i felt every emotion with in that hour she was there more than wat i felt in the past month . its very difficult to describe the feelings i felt and to describe how i felt after. i was just happy that i was able to see her and let her know how i felt about things and she told me about how she felt about things. in all i liked the conversation. will Five Hundred and i ever get back together?? i dont think so. not any time soon at least.
usually i am good at this. expressing how i felt but last night after she left, my mind kept racing and i drank myself to sleep.
i heard yesterday that if u can laugh, think and cry in one day that u had a complete day. but i like to think that if u love as well ur day is complete. because its love that binds this world together.
last night i felt my day was complete. years from now i will never remember wat happen on this day. ill never remember work or the bus ride home... but i will remember her and i laughing and crying in the night. sometimes love is like the stars in the night, just cause u cant see the stars doesnt mean that its not there. ....
today i had a conversation with Five Hundred to see how she was doing. Was happy that she is happy. Like I told u from day one…”id rather see u happy from a far then see u in tears when im near”.. and right now that couldn’t me more clear.

we are creatures of Emotion

so today i am feeling really angry

like there is a deep frustration that i have been suppressing and now it feels like it is about to get the best of me.

alot of times i hold back on feelings, emotions and thoughts.

but lately i feel the frustration getting harder and harder to suppress.

i know wat ur thinking ... "why would u suppress ur feelings, thoughts or emotions?"

i do it because i dont like to offend people. or say things that might hurt people, or do things that might hurt people...

i know wat i am doing is wrong.. but it helps me sleep better at night...


well at least it used too...


ummmm


Good Luck

im sorry but our Goverment cannot save your ass

i speak to people all day and all they are wondering is how can the goverment save me. the truth is they cant.

i am a huge Obama supporter.. but wat i am talking about doesnt have to do with him. more with the way our country is structured.


u have to help urself.. and while ur helping urself u'll see different goverment programs that can help u along the way.


but if u are laying down waiting for someone to pick u up u might as well cross ur arms and dig ur self a dirt bed. with a rock as ur pillow...



idk i speak to people all day and they are just idiots. like if they are waiting for Obama himself to call or something....

idiots


any how

im going to vegas this weekend to get super drunk and excape from this illusion we live in....


=D

if i could save the whole world

i would


but unfortunately i cant


but ill do wat i can


ill do my part one family at a time


-1984

all day

i speak to people who need help

who lost their job, lost a family member, and are about to lose their homes with no where to go.

these are good families, husband and wife in the house. a few kids, a dog. who had good lives...

then this whole economic down turn killed them
they got laid off
the cost of living has gone up
and they can no longer live comfortable.


everyday i speak to them.
they ask wat i can do to help them
i wish i could help all of them because its the ones that need ur help that most are the ones u cant help
because they have no money
and even though we help save their home
it cost a fee.

and because they cant afford that fee they will be forced out of the house they worked so hard to get in hopes that it can be paid off by the time their baby becomes an adult.


where is the bail out for these people.

how could people with 5 homes not help out a person a need.


idk maybe i am just ramblin and entering a space that i dont belong.

like who am i, a guy living in his grandmas house who cant afford rent everymonth, speaking about helping the poor.


idk maybe i am just a dreamer

just be grateful for ur situation cause people out there always got it worse.

all guys wish the same shit a girl wishes for

someone who would love us
and not lie or cheat on us or flirt with other people


but we cant find that either


so yea



Happy Valentines day

Knocturnal Sunshine

why is it that i seem to write all my best work, create my best work, and do my best thinking when there is no more light in my sky and most of the world in my time zone is asleep? its weird.. cause i mean i am tired myself. but its like the darkness just allows me to shine because there is no way i can come alive under the sun... either that or i am a fuckin vampire.


either way

its my time

Quote of the day

Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.



Viktor E.
Frankl

so i just got off the phone with this guy

who just lost his wife 3 months ago
his wife whom he loved and lived with for the past 30 years
they have 2 cats and 1 dog
but he never liked the cats
the cats were her cats
and it hurts him to see the cats.
he cant even feed them
everyday when he gets out of work he goes to the bar to drink to drown his thoughts and escape the pain
he spent over $20,000 on her funeral because his wife deserves the best going away party ever
i heard his pain
i felt wat he felt when he could no longer speak and had to put the phone down and cried his eyes out because the pain hurt so much

on the other line i was gettin teary eyed myself. listening to this man beg for help. help him save his home because his step daughter is pregnant and he needs to take care of his step daughter.


i wish i could be there in person. have a drink with him. give him a hug and let them know that there are people out there who cares wat happens even those that he never met.


i had to take a break from work because al lthe emotions were too much for me to bear.

i would like to leave and go home
but my situation is so bad that i cant afford to leave home.



never judge the man u meet on the street or the man in the store. u dont know wat they are going thru or wat is going on in their lives.

is it bad that when i say

have a great day

that i really truly mean it



i feel like im in a deep understanding


but maybe too understanding

maybe too loving

maybe too much of just being human i guesss

idk

well have a good day =]

i feel like my one lil voice can help change the world

and people say im foolish...

really who is more foolish,

he who feels he can change the world

or the one who doesnt?

i really wish...

that i had my own studio

i have soo much music that i write and i have in my head

but i know with my own studio ill be free to experiment as much as i can with out hearing someone tell me how i should do it or that i shouldnt do it this way...

i know that with the right stuff i can do amazing things

i just need the chance...



sorry just venting...


~1984

today i.s Feb 2, 2009

today i woke up at 5 am in an attempt to revive my life… to no avail

today i I took the train to my new job, but there was no one there. Feeling like I was let down.. maybe I missed the memo =..

today i rode the bus home at 7 am from my new job that I guess Isnt a job at all. Kinda weird going backwards

today i wrote this listing to “sidetracked ” by Joe Budden,

today i took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. I keep telling myself it was too catch up on missed sleep. But really I wasn’t that tired.

today i was hit up by a friend of mine to meet him at the park. I asked why and I never got a answer.. but the truth is when it’s a good friend like that… u don’t need a reason. So i dropped wat I was doing and left .

today i was waiting for the Dash to get to the park and some guy whose name i didn’t know. Pulled over and took me to my destination. His name was marvin, a Filipino whom I played basketball with many of times. He is very competitive so on the court we usually don’t get along if we on different teams. But in essence we are on the same team. The Human team chasing the American Dream

today i went to the park for the first time in a long time. My Park. Yosemite Park. I walked up and got mobbed by kids. It feels good knowing they still remember u and still love u like it was yesterday.

today i said hello to my second family. The Park family. I love them and it’s a special bond that they have over there and even when I am there for 5 mins I can feel that bond.

today i went to go eat with my friend Martin at taco bell. And for the first five mins we were talking about how good taco bell was. Like how in the hell could people not like taco bell.

today i spent at least 2 hours at taco bell. Kinda random, like when I woke up this morning I wasn’t expecting to be at taco bell with martin. It was like far from my imagination. But that’s life. It catches u by surprise

today i spent a lot of time talking to someone who doesn’t have the same view on life as I do, but who has an understanding view. We share a lot of the same struggle. music means the same to us. therapy. Its good having someone u can talk to everyonce in a while who doesn’t judge or make assumptions

today i spent a while talking business and how we going to get our music out there. Cant wait till u see wat we got in store .

today i wrote this at 1:30… hungry as hell.. thinking of having some cup of noodles.. but a lil lazy to go down and make it.

today i spoke of the rebirth. Baptized in fire.

today i bumped into a friend on the bus. Its funny last time I seen her on the bus I didn’t know that was her and didn’t say hi… this time we joked and laughed for bout 3 mins before my stop lol

today i read a bit more of “Dreams from my Father:” and kinda disappointed I aint done yet… Friday maybe??

today i downloaded like 300 beats… I cant wait to get writing.. .

today i watched episode 1 of the new Heroes series... it was fuckin amazin.. find me in front of my tv next monday at 9pm =]






Quote of the Day

"An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea. "


~Buddha



Song of the Day

the first episode of heroes season 4

was fuckin spectacular

much better than i expected..
kinda a lil down that peter petrelli has no more powers
it seems as though who only has the powers of the last person whom he touched... i liked it better when he was mr everything...
but the thing that doesnt make too much sense is in the last episode of hte last season he flew before touching his brother

so that doesnt make too much sense.. idk

any how good show over all

cant wait to see wat happens in that plane crashhhhh



Heroes > than any of ur favorite shows

50cent is a jack ass

interviewing Rick Ross baby mama.. ahahahahha



his moms looks like the klumps

haha

50 cent clowns on Rick ross again

hahaha

early morning train of thought

the train is quiet in the mornin... Everyone still trying to wake up and stay warm from the cold air. I try to read but i struggle to keep my eyes open. I see everything on here. The man in his thousand dollar suit and briefcase. The mother takin her children to school extra early just so she can get to work on time and the "no speake ingles" latinos who work drastic hours just so their children can get a bit of the american dream. I wonder if they look at me the way i look at them? Or are the so consumed in their own lives that they dont notice the short man in a backpack and hoodie trying to hide his uncombed hair. Ive never taken the train home this early before but i guess there is a first for everything.....

im only going to try meth once. how bad could it hurt?

powerful video